The day has come! Yes, Wednesday. Well, not just Wednesday, obviously. Wednesdays come around most weeks, usually somewhere in the middle. But I today I’ve actually got a copy of ‘Wiffle Lever To Full!’ in my hand! Well, not right now, obviously. That would make typing a bit difficult. But I did have, thirty seconds ago. Actually, this isn’t going too well, is it? Should we start again?
Deep breaths. And relax. Yes, I’m now the proud owner of two proper copies of ‘Wiffle Lever To Full!’ My first book, and I’m delighted to say that not only does it look lovely, it’s also surprisingly waterproof and resistant to garden waste. I know this for certain, because my postman left the package in the compost bin while I was out. But they’re remarkably unscathed! Even if they do smell slightly of damp grass cuttings. But then I don’t know for certain that they didn’t already – it might be a new marketing ploy that Hodder & Stoughton are trying out. New scratch and sniff books! Put me down for a copy of The Brothers Karamazov that has just a whiff of streaky bacon.
Anyway, just to prove I’m not making this up, here’s a picture of (ahem) a satisfied customer being slightly alarmed by a minor expletive on Page 151…
I have to keep pinching my right arm to convince myself that it’s all actually happening. And when I get tired of doing that, I’ll use what’s left of my advance to pay a small team of Teesside University students to do it for me.
Wiffle Lever To Full! 
Congratulations Bob! Looking forward to it.