Wiffle Lever To Full!

Daleks, Death Stars and Dreamy Sci-Fi Nostalgia…

Exclusive Rubber Knob Update!

Regular readers of this Blog will no doubt remember Volume #265 of this rubbish (dated 21st September) when I bemoaned the difficulty in obtaining authentic pictures of genuine 1970s-style school wooden benches, complete with white rubber knobs and hooks for easy attachment to wall-based PE apparatus.

Huge thanks are therefore due to my old Levendale Primary School teacher Mr Hirst, who has gone WAY beyond the call of duty to provide us all with the following SEXSATIONAL SCHOOL BENCH PHOTO SHOOT!!!!

Come on lads, feast your eyes on this beautiful bevy of benches, all ready for double PE on a drizzly Thursday afternoon and a couple of toe-knacking rounds of bare-footed Benchball. PHWOARRRRR!!!



  Chris Byers wrote @

Great pictures Mr H, I hope Bob has awarded you a merit mark or at least a gold star. I think we used those benches for just about everything imaginable, from slides to goalposts to seats and I think I am right in saying you could turn them upside down and use them as balancing beams? I also remember that if you were unlucky enough to end up sitting on the knobs (titter) they were extremely uncomfortable.

  Mark Hirst wrote @

Thanks Chris, Bob was rather happy with these snaps!

They are still in regular use and yes you can use them turned upside down as balancing beams. Also, the hooks enable them to be attached to most new apparatus, creating a fantastic fusion of old and new!

`Bench ball` still exists in a lot of schools and is a firm favourite with my current charges.
The highly polished wood makes a brilliant slide and I am delighted to confirm that severe bruising and testicular damage is still commonplace. In fact, is it not part of every young boys rite of passage?

Unfortunately, I must also admit to cleaning a full range (bar one I hope!) of bodily fluids and excretions from such benches over the last thirty years. But you don’t need me to go into all of that…………….do you?

  Chris Byers wrote @

Mr Hirst, as far as I am concerned you have already provided more than enough information. I suspect Bob however will want full details with diagrams.

  bobfischer wrote @

Yes please. No photos this time, though. 🙂

Thanks so much for these, though! It’s amazing how something so simple fills me with nostalgia. Looking at picture No 2, it’s all too easy to imagine a giggling Slackie and Sugden waiting until some hapless nerk was halfway down before lifting up the lower end of the bench and stranding them in mid-air…

  Ian Farrage wrote @

Although these are some great nostaglic pictures I am concerned by some of the above & previous comments regarding 11 year old boys (or any other age for that matter). Since when are ones testicles 10″ apart ? Why is one smashing ones knackers over little knobs so far apart – how does this happen ?
Unless Buster Gonad is involved I am slightly baffled…

  Mark Hirst wrote @

Ian, I can only assume that you have experienced the namby pamby phys ed lessons popularised by the new breed of teachers.

If your testicles were less than 10″ apart at least twice during a lesson, it wasn’t real PE !Well not in my book!

I believe it’s called `stretching yourself` in the manuals.

Hope that alleviates your concerns.

  bobfischer wrote @

Amazingly he’s ‘old school’ Mr H. In fact, he might even be slightly older than me, which takes some doing.

Anyway, everyone knows the trick is to slide down twice, pulverising one testicle at a time.

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